Our Long Journey

Where to start…all of my childhood to adulthood it was ingrained in my head through TV shows and watching families around me that when I found the man of my dreams and got married one day that the next step would be to have a baby. Not once in my years of picturing and wondering about the man I would marry and the family I would have did the thought ever occur to me that there might be a chance that I couldn’t have a baby. It’s just something that people don’t talk about. It’s that quiet yet large elephant in the room that no one wants to mention. It’s almost treated like a contagious disease.

When I was 16, my oldest sister, Erin, got married. Of course I joined the bandwagon of people asking, “When are you going to have a baby?” As time went by and they tried to have a baby, it didn’t happen like I had always seen on TV. They tried so hard and went through many tests and procedures. After two tragic miscarriages they were about to give up but with one final try, they were blessed with their son, Walker. What a beautiful child of God he is. His spirit is so genuine. He loves God and loves everyone around him. I know he will grow up to be something great but even now I think he is the greatest!

Fast-forward about six years, when Justin and I got married. I don’t think we had even left the reception yet and had already been bombarded by people making comments and asking, “When are you going to have a baby?” Geez Louise people! Give us a break and let us experience and love each moment we are in before wishing us onto the next.

Justin and I agreed early on that we wanted to wait a few years before even trying to have a baby. We had heard from so many that we needed to enjoy the time together and really get to know each other and learn how to live together. I’m so thankful for that advice because it’s so true. We were content for those years and in our newlywed bliss bubble. I was on birth control and we were loving life.

When the time came for “baby fever” I was so excited and anxious. I guess I thought that I would stop the pill and BOOM be pregnant. You know…like on TV. A couple months went by and nothing. I started researching using “Dr. Google” of course (don’t ever do that by the way!). I read things like, if you don’t get pregnant in 6-12 months of trying there could be problems. I thought, eh, it’s still early on, maybe next month. As each month ticked by there were still no signs of Baby Moore. I didn’t realize that it could take this long, be this hard. It seemed that everyone I ran into was asking why I wasn’t pregnant. Even family started dropping hints and jokes as if trying to persuade us to get moving on the subject.

I kept quiet, laughed at their jokes and went on but really inside it began to wear on me. Each time someone would ask it was harder to smile. I did though because no one wants to hear the real reason we don’t have Baby Moore yet. No one wants to hear about the struggles. I used to ask people the same question about babies as if it was just normal conversation, never thinking about what they were going through. I don’t ask that question anymore, no matter how long people have been married.

I had been taking prenatal vitamins and had just really started to talk to my doctor about my concerns when God called Justin and I to move to Indiana. Talk about a life change. That’s another story though, but through that process, the baby topic hit the back burner. I’m not even sure it was near the “stove” for a while. I was jobless for about five months, most of which was winter season, so I ended up going into a bit of a depressive state. I gained weight and was just not motivated to do much.

Later I did get a job and eventually made myself find a new doctor here in Indiana. Luckily a friend of mine gave me a name of a great doctor to try. The first yearly appointment I just went to do the usual checkup. I liked her. She really seemed genuine and had a great reputation with people I talked to.

At this point Justin and I were in our 5th (ish) year of marriage. People stopped asking as often, as if they’d given up on us too and were disappointed. Even family got tired of asking. I waited until the next year’s appointment to bring up my concerns with my doctor. She immediately jumped into action and told me not to worry, that she was going to help get me on the right track for pregnancy. I started the vitamins again. I even started working out more, thinking that if my body was healthier, maybe a baby would want to live there. Still nothing. Month after month I would wait eagerly for the day my period was to start. And every time without fail it would arrive, like clockwork. I’ve never even skipped a period. My body is so in tune that I know the exact day (most of the time) that it will start, kind of like birth control.

By my next appointment, she began to take more action. She met with Justin and I and discussed options and answered questions. I so appreciated that. My next step was to test my fallopian tubes to be sure I didn’t have any blockages. I can’t even describe to you what that felt like. I had to go to radiology at the hospital for this procedure. I have always wanted a woman doctor for things like this for my own comfort level and what do you know, I ended up with a male doctor that day. I guess that’s one way to get over the fear of that. Justin waited outside as they filled me full of fluid, laid me on a cold surface and moved me every which direction so they could scan and take images of certain areas. It was so uncomfortable. Painful even. When they were finished they released the fluid and I felt like I had wet myself. I felt like a lab rat. Later the doctor shared with me that I didn’t have any blockages. Good news…I guess. But it just left more unanswered questions.

A little while later Justin and I bumped into an old friend who started the conversation with, “I’m gonna get Justin a key.” I looked at him confused and he said “for that chastity belt so you will have you a little one finally.” He laughed and thought he was the funniest thing all while pretty much telling me I was taking too long for societies standards. I smiled and faked a small laugh all while wishing I could crawl away somewhere. Later he found me again and said, “I’m gonna get that key now,” and reached into his pocket laughing. I love this guy. He is a great man, but I didn’t love this moment.

I’ve managed to share a few things here and there with our families so they understand and have been most gracious to leave us alone and not keep asking. I can’t help but feel like I’m letting them down and keeping them from living the dream of having a grand baby (and another grand baby for my side of the family). A handful of friends have ever really asked me how I am and what the situation is. I’m so thankful for their prayers and concern. They check in with me occasionally to see if there’s an update.

At this point there are no answers. I’ve long given up any hope or excitement each month as my period nears. I just know it will be the same old song. I’m also mad at myself for this. I know God can do anything He wants to and He has His own timeline, not mine. I feel like I’m letting Him down by my lack of emotion these days. All I’ve ever wanted to do was have a baby with Justin. I want to be able to make him a daddy and add to our family tree and leave a legacy. Sometimes the silence in this category is deafening for me.

People all around me are having babies. Some aren’t even trying to and they get pregnant. I hear news stories of abused kids and babies that have been thrown away left for dead. It sickens me, yet I battle this alone. At least it feels like it. I can’t give my husband a child and I don’t know why.

We are currently waiting for another test. Justin this time. Once we hear back from that, if that doesn’t give us any clues, then there’s only one more step. We’ve discussed it together and agreed that we know that God is powerful and if He wants us to have a baby then He will make it so. We don’t want to waste money and precious time on tons of tests and procedures that will surely bankrupt us. We want to be good stewards of the money God has given us. We believe He knows that and as we are faithful to Him, He will honor that.

Some of you may know my story of how we came to move to Indiana. If not, I’m sure I blogged about it somewhere. Basically, I wrote about my experience of how God spoke to me during that process. I’ve always been a firm believer that God knows how to speak to each of us as individuals. We may not always listen or be tuned in but He is always trying. God spoke to me during that time via radio, preacher, coffee mugs, books, etc. He found ways to reach me throughout my days with a simple and steady phrase, “Be still and know that I am God.” It didn’t make the process easy but it made it easier knowing that I just needed to trust Him and honor Him. Once I did that, everything fell into place. Just like when Joshua stepped into the water and the waters parted. That only happened after he took the first step/leap.

More and more lately…maybe it’s because I’m getting old (seriously though). The baby topic keeps coming in waves. Each one seems faster and bigger than the one before. I can’t get it out of my head. I don’t want to be an old mom who doesn’t want to play with her kids because she is too tired. But, what if I’m meant to never be a mom at all? Why would God put the desire in my heart if that were true? These are just a few of the arguments I have with myself.

I think I locked myself away for a while and let myself become numb. I think that I wasn’t hearing direction from God because I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t listening to what He was trying to tell me.

Our small group is going through a study right now of “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren. I was reluctant at first to dive in, but as God would have it, day after day of doing this study, it was like God was talking directly to me. Since this study started, I’ve also heard it confirmed in other things like the songs I would hear on the radio, the thoughts that would pop in my head, the conversations people around me were having. It’s kind of like when you see a certain style of car you haven’t seen before and then all of a sudden you see them everywhere you go. Is it because they’ve never been there or because you just weren’t looking for them? How’s that for profound?

What I’m hearing lately is that God may have another door open for Justin and I as parents. As I was drying my hair one morning, I wasn’t thinking about anything in particular when suddenly I was reminded of the story of Mary when the angel came to see her.

Luke 1:30-33

30

The angel told her, “Don’t be afraid, Mary. You have found favor with God.

31

You will become pregnant, give birth to a son, and name him Jesus.

32

He will be a great man and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him

the throne of his ancestor David.

33

Your son will be king of Jacob’s people forever, and his kingdom will never end.”

He told her she would be having a child. A child that wasn’t hers. And he entrusted her to raise him to become the Son of the Most High. Wow! My thoughts (I consider this to be the Holy Spirit) then turned my attention to how that could relate to me. What if God has a child for me, that isn’t mine, that I am to find and raise into someone that could change the world? (not saying I would get another Jesus haha). How amazing and scary at the same time. But it has renewed my spirit. What if?

Throughout my group’s book study, I’ve been hearing what I feel may be confirmation that this is from God. It even came right out and said, “adopt” in those words one day, when it could have been worded many other ways to describe it. God knows how to speak to us. I don’t know why I had it in my head that He would change His approach. That’s silly. He knows what works for me, so don’t I feel like a goof for not expecting and leaning in to hear.

I’m also learning from my study, as God speaks what it means to be in fellowship/community with others. It shouldn’t be just a surface level communication amongst each other, it should be a deeper level if we are ever to grow together. I’ve spent the last six months of this group only showing people the surface, the good stuff, the stuff I only wanted others to see. Not my weaknesses and struggles. I am feeling called lately to communicate with my coworkers (another form of fellowship) and my group.

I’ve spent my whole adulthood feeling ashamed of my situation. It isn’t something people talk about, but why not? Shouldn’t it be? When we are at our weakest is when we need people there to lift us up, pray for us, encourage us.

Justin and I don’t exactly know our next steps. We still have a few things we wish to pursue with trying to conceive but we are on the same page and want to honor God in whatever we do. Pray for us as we make decisions and go through processes that help clarify our next steps.

Updated… August 18, 2015

Wow, I just spent a few minutes reading this entry I made on a dark day just five months ago. A lot has changed so I wanted to catch you up.

Justin and I spent some time talking with a friend who has adopted through the foster care system. We had decided to explore the adoption option to see where it would lead us. After this meeting it was still so unclear to us what our next steps should be. At this point, like other times in our lives, we didn’t know what to do so we decided to do nothing. We didn’t have confidence one way or another so we were reminded to “Be still.”

A few months went by, summer arrived and so did family. While Justin’s parents and sister were here for July 4th I had gotten pretty sick. I ended up going to the doctor several times over a two month stretch and ended up with bronchitis and a sinus infection that just wouldn’t go away. I went through two rounds of antibiotics and was still struggling. My period hadn’t started like it should (mine always starts like clock work) and I had Googled that antibiotics could cause delays in cycles so I just passed it off as a delay. Finally a friend of mine suggested I take a pregnancy test. That was so far off my radar. I had written it off as no longer a possibility but as she encouraged me and shared that something similar had happened to her when she found out she was pregnant. We decided to get a test.

To our amazement the test came back positive and we can’t wait to welcome Baby Moore to our family at the end of March 2016. God is good. His timing is perfect. He always has a plan and it just wasn’t time until now. He had other things for me to concentrate on until now. So, never give up hope. Listen to what God is telling you and if you don’t know what that is, try being still. He will show you.

 

8/19/2015 by family life love 3

Winter

 

 

 

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Be still, and know that I am God -Psalm 46:10

Do you ever have those moments when something you have heard or maybe thought of before comes to mind and just seems so much clearer? I had one of those this morning as I stood outside with the pups before work.  The snow was gently falling and, except for the occasional car passing by, it was silent.  I got to thinking about winter and how much I love it. Then my thoughts moved to why God made winter, and suddenly it was clear…God made winter as a time when things slow down,  there’s more silence, and life is still. My mind immediately translated that thought into our own lives.  God made winter, times when life stops or slows from its regular rhythm so that we will stop, be still and know that He is God.  He covers up all that we can see and be distracted by so that we are able to focus on Him and listen for new direction.  It never fails in nature that once the snow/winter is gone that new life appears, growth happens, change happens. So it is the same in life, if we let it be. What a beautiful reminder that God loves me and wants what is best for me.  He wants to hear from me in the stillness and most importantly for me to hear from Him. 

Be still my friends and enjoy this day!

2/12/2015 by life 0

This is not the man I married…

IMG_5823Ten years ago I was the happiest girl on earth, marrying Justin…my best friend. I thought I knew Justin at his fullest. I loved him then so much that my heart overflowed with joy. The kind that only comes from God. Little did I know how wrong I was. While I did marry my best friend and the best guy in the world…I didn’t realize how much I still would learn about Justin.

Over the years God has revealed more and more to me about this man I love so much. Some of my dad’s advice to Justin while they had “the talk” about him wanting to marry me was to not let people walk all over me (since I’m often too nice to stick up for myself). My dad can be super proud of the man he gave me to. Justin has stuck up for me more times than I can count and has taught me to be a stronger person along the way.

A few years into our marriage we were determined to better our future by embarking on a difficult journey to set ourselves up for financial freedom through Dave Ramsey’s teachings. That was definitely not easy and we wished we had done it sooner but we did it together and learned so much about each other. Through that we strengthened our love for each other and our goals became unified.

One of my favorite things that Justin and I do together is pray together. I love being able to see Justin’s heart and his relationship with our Father. We can join together in something so intimate which allows us to be more fully united in Christ together. Justin has always backed me up in difficult times and has prayed some of the most powerful prayers for me. Knowing that this guy is praying for me and loving me, makes me feel like I can do anything.

I used to get jealous and sometimes just plain aggravated with Justin when I would have a problem and he would silently listen to what I had to say and then offer these brilliant words of advice to help me, often making it seem so simple. One day God truly revealed to me that I shouldn’t be jealous or aggravated but truly grateful that Justin has such deep spiritual gifts called wisdom and discernment. He knows what to say, when to say it, even if it’s the tough thing to say. I am so blessed with his gift. I trust him completely to make the best decisions for our family.

Boy is he a handy guy too. Not only with technology but anything he wants to learn how to do, he figures it out. He researches. He isn’t afraid to try new things, and he is confident. These too are traits that I don’t share yet I am so grateful for.

Our latest journey together has been that of working to become healthier. I wanted to lose the excess weight I gained during a stressful time in my life and he jumped right on board with me. I can’t tell you how much of a blessing that was. To have someone alongside me to encourage and support me. And we both LOVE food. We have been able to lose the weight and learn to make better food and exercise choices.

This guy is definitely not the guy I married ten years ago. He is a much better version of the man I was already head over heels in love with. Each day I get to be with him, I am so thankful for.

Happy Anniversary Justin! I love you and can’t wait to see what I find out about you in the years to come.

9/25/2014 by family General life love 3

New beginning

I have been working at Bethel College in the Campus Store for just under four and a half years.  In that time I have grown in so many ways.  I went from assistant manager to manager of the Campus Store, survived a building expansion while remaining open for business, and experienced, due to budget cuts the loss of a very valued and loved coworker (her position was eliminated).  In these times, as in my every day life, I have leaned on the love and care of my Lord and Savior.  Someone told me once that if everything is going dandy in your life and you aren’t experiencing spiritual warfare then you aren’t a current threat to Satan.  Ever since I heard that I have always found a moment to remind myself whose side I’m on and then just grin because that means I’m making Satan nervous.

 

Starting a few months ago I felt like something was changing within me.  While I loved Bethel (and still do), I felt a faint tapping at the back of my mind.  I didn’t understand it at first and even ignored it.  In June, when my coworker’s position was eliminated I felt as if a dam had burst.  My cup was already running over with daily duties and now how was I going to take on her responsibilities as well as run a store on my own?  In the wise words of my loving husband, he explained to me that my “cup” had been running over for a long time and until I could show people that I couldn’t accomplish my tasks, then it would be assumed that everything was just fine.  Being a worker and not wanting others to view my shortcomings as my lack of ability to do my job, I would put in extra hours and run at full capacity.  I realized that I had forgotten what it was like to breathe and to relax.  I began feeling it in my chest and would often cry on Justin’s shoulder at night.  I wanted so much for the store to be a success and to accomplish everything on my plate at the time it needed to be done.  I realized that my attitude was slipping and I was growing tired.  During this process I still felt that gentle nudge.

 

In one of my emotional lows I found out about a part time accounting position at GCC. I decided to apply and went to an interview.  I was even called back for a second interview but in the interim realized that this position was not what I felt like God was leading me towards.  A few months went by and I received an email from Jami Ruth at GCC about a position that had opened up on the Communications team and we made arrangements to meet and talk about the role.  I quickly found myself getting excited like a little schoolgirl.

 

I spent much time in prayer throughout my days asking God to guide me.  One morning on my way to work I was searching all my radio stations trying to find music to listen to and was unsuccessful.  I landed on a station that happened to be talking about jobs.  Some of you may know from my story about our move to Indiana that God has used the radio to speak to me quite clearly before.  I truly believe that God knows how to get our attention.  I was riding along listening to this man that called in about his new job.  He must have been in some trouble in the past and was just getting back on his feet.  The next thing I heard resonated in my mind and my heart the rest of the way to work.  The DJ said to the man, “Wow, it sounds like God is really doing something and it’s time for a change.”  Talk about chills! I don’t believe in coincidences.  I believe in God instances and this was a major one.   A tear ran down my face as I realized this message was indeed for ME.

 

That same afternoon my cell phone rang and the call went to voicemail (because I was at work).  I later listened to the message and it was a friend of mine that I hadn’t talked to in awhile.  She wanted to meet for lunch.  I thought it was strange that she would be calling me out of the blue but when I later met with her I realized it was about a job opportunity she had for me.  Now I not only had this opportunity at GCC but an opportunity elsewhere too.  I prayed to God asking Him for guidance.  This news of possibly leaving Bethel was so fresh in my mind and now I had two job opportunities before me.  Both were amazing opportunities given to me by God loving people/places.

 

I began listening to God closer and closer.  I explored more and more scripture, I prayed, I listened to music, and I sat in silence and sometimes tears.  What I realized is that for quite awhile I had been hearing God and feeling like I was listening to Him but had really been allowing Him to become part of the white noise of my every day life.  When I intentionally went to Him and seeked Him on this, it was like it was blaring from everywhere what He was trying to tell me.  He helped me to feel His direction and calling to GCC.  It wasn’t easy and I went through a lot of spiritual warfare to get there but even that showed me that my decision was the right one.

 

I remember this particular instance clearly because I was amazed yet not surprised at the power of my God but it was so cool to me.  I began my morning reading from my “Jesus Calling” devotional.  (If you haven’t gotten this book yet, do it!  It will speak God’s breathable word to you on a daily basis.) I read the first few lines and I knew the day was going to be a doozy.  It said, “Do not be surprised by the fiery attacks on your mind. When you struggle to find Me and to live in My Peace, don’t let discouragement set in.  You are engaged in massive warfare, spiritually speaking.  The evil one abhors your closeness to Me, and his demonic underlings are determined to destroy our intimacy.  When you find yourself in the thick of battle, call upon My Name: “Jesus, help me!” At that instant, the battle becomes Mine; your role is simply to trust Me as I fight for you.” I was blown away by the wording of this devotion.  In the battle with Satan all I need to do is call out, “Jesus, help me!” and at that instant the battle becomes His? All I could picture was an epic Hollywood fight scene in some movie where there’s darkness and danger and then all of a sudden the hero rushes out and wins.  That’s my God.  I’m sure glad I read that because that day I felt Satan constantly trying to beat me down and I called to Jesus to help me and He took over and helped me through that long and trying day.

 

I have grown so much through this experience. It was tough to leave Bethel.  I have come to love the people there so much. I have become invested in my student workers’ lives and the lives of my coworkers and community there.  God knew it was going to be hard for me so He filled my last day with love.  People came from everywhere to see me off and wish me luck in my new adventures.  Even Jaimes the UPS man left me a note.  My student workers wrote me beautiful notes and came to be with me throughout the day.  Bethel College is a wonderful place and I believe awesome things are already happening there.  I’m so grateful to have been a part of that campus and can’t wait to see what God brings Bethel in the years to come.

 

I start my new adventure tomorrow at GCC (Granger Community Church).  I can only imagine what God has in store for me there and for the people that will cross my path while I serve.  For the Bible says in John 12:26, “Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be.  My Father will honor the one who serves me.”

12/15/2013 by bookstore life Work 2

Moscow, Russia Trip: Prayers

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I just returned from my fourth mission trip to Moscow, Russia. This was an incredible trip for me. I will hopefully write later on the actual events we attended. If I did that now, this entry would be way longer and I doubt anyone would read through it.

I was able to see my friends Jeremy and Deana come full swing from leaders in our NC church to mission trip leading to being the missionaries. It has been cool for me to see Jeremy realize the call God had placed on his heart on our last mission trip and then to see him and his family living that mission. Talk about total obedience. They had to leave the comforts of their home, their family and friends, and their country. They didn’t do this because it was easy by any means. They did this because they serve an awesome God that has plans for them and their love for the Russian people. I thank God that He put these people, these friends…no, these family members in my life. What an example!

I believe that God is always at work. I consider it extra special when He allows me to see just how He is working in my life and through me. Ten weeks ago I began a fitness competition at work. This involved getting regular sleep, drinking 64 oz. of water a day, working out 30 minutes a day (7 days a week), eating veggies and fruit, toning, etc. This year I decided I was going to work harder than I had in the past. I woke up an hour earlier in the mornings and worked out. I was doing all the things required of me for this competition. I will revisit this topic in a few minutes.

I visited my doctor for a yearly checkup and during this visit she recommended that I go to another specialist for a simple treatment. I was nervous to find a specialist that would be sincere and legitimate. I prayed and with Justin’s help we found one. I made an appointment.

When I arrived I immediately felt comfortable. The lady was explaining the procedure and told me I would have to come back in a couple weeks for a follow up visit. I told her I was going out of the country soon and wondered if that would interfere with the process. She paused, looked at me and said, “Are you going on a mission trip?” I told her I was and then our conversation immediately turned to God and my trip. I told her I was going to serve with our missionary friends in Russia. I also explained that we would be visiting a small church in Rzhev and told her about Misha and his family serving as a pastor there and how they live off very little a month but are so devoted to God’s call for the Russian people.

She continued to tell me about how she didn’t really grow up in a church but had a catholic background. She said she attended a church once and was pretty involved in it. Then she got a divorce and the church turned away from her. She was devastated and stopped going to church. Not too long ago a friend had invited her to church, my church (GCC). She loves it. At that moment I knew that God had heard my prayer of concern for finding the right specialist. I knew He was sending me a message that He was taking care of me.

As she continued to tell me about herself, I found out that she lives on a meager income with some assistance. She didn’t have a lot of money to spare but was so thankful for what God was doing in her life. She told me her daughter and grandkids have even started to attend the church. She felt renewed.

We talked on and on about GCC and God and at the close of our meeting I began to sift through my purse to get my money to pay her for the visit. She stopped, looked at me and said, “This is just between me and you now, but as we were talking I felt God telling me this. Would you be willing to take the money you would pay today for my services and give it to that Pastor in Rzhev?” I couldn’t believe it! I agreed right away. She told me she had been praying to God to give her a way that she could take what she had and help someone. She felt that this was what she had been praying for. I was amazed! Speechless! I had just met this lady. As God had planned it, Joy (the leader of the mission trip) had sent an email of a picture of Misha and his family and so I had it on my phone to show her who the money was going to go to. God knew what He was doing. He answered both of our prayers by bringing us together. We both sat for a moment with tears in our eyes. What an encounter with a servant of the Lord and my Lord Himself.

I went back a few weeks later before my trip, fully expecting to pay again and she said, “No honey, take this week’s money too.” I promised her I would hand deliver the money. I was able to tell Misha and his family the story of my encounter with this lady (of course with tears streaming down my face). To realize while in Rzhev that God was also working in Misha’s family’s life through this encounter just blew me away. I don’t know what will be done with this money but I know it has a divine purpose and came thousands of miles to further God’s kingdom.

Our team was made up of members from several churches. We hadn’t had the time to connect fully as a team as we had in the past. Justin and I being hundreds of miles away didn’t help matters. The day of the trip came and we anxiously awaited our reunion with the team and also meeting new faces. It was awesome and before long it felt like old times.

We made it to the London airport (one of the largest airports in the world) to find that our flight to Moscow had been cancelled. We were assured that we, as well as our luggage would make it on the next flight (in 4 hours). We asked for directions to the airline counter to get booked for the next flight. Four hours was plenty of time, right? Wrong! Each airport employee we would ask for directions sent us to a different spot. We were on one big wild goose chase. We went through security multiple times as we went in circles. We finally found the counter and stood in line for what seemed like hours. By the time we got tickets we were rushed to get through security…again. We also had to get our luggage switched to the new flight.

While Justin and I were at the Chicago O’Hare airport starting our trip, the folks there didn’t give us our part of the luggage tickets. By the time we realized it, it was too late to go back. We thought we wouldn’t need it. Fast forward to the London airport. They needed our luggage information to get our luggage. We didn’t have it. Getting on the flight knowing that we wouldn’t have our 3 bags at the other end was hard. At this point we had been up for 24+ hours. We didn’t have a change of clothes in our carry-ons either.

Joy’s bag was searched as we only had minutes to board our flight to Moscow. We split our team in thirds and all ended up running to board the bus that would bring us to our plane (so much for having plenty of time to make our flight). We made it though.

We finally landed in Moscow to more troubling news. None of our luggage made the flight. Luckily a nice airport employee went with Joy to find Jeremy who had been waiting for us. Jeremy could now translate for us. We filled out the necessary paperwork and finally left the airport.

We had made it to Moscow but we all had to improvise with what we had. I spent over 48 hours in the same clothes. They were comfy clothes for the plane ride, not the best for cold Russian weather. Nine of our fourteen bags arrived the next evening. Five were still missing (3 being mine and Justin’s).

Returning now to my fitness competition. It had been seven weeks since the competition started when I left for the trip. Our friend Heather was on the trip with us. She is smaller than me. She was one of the lucky ones to get her luggage first. She had a pair of jeans I could borrow. I was not confident they would fit but tried them anyway. To my surprise, they fit! I could now get out of my original clothes. God is so good. Not only did He give me an amazing friend that would give me a pair of her jeans (pjs too), but He was already at work seven weeks ahead of time knowing what was to come. I had lost just enough to be able to fit in those pants. That was no accident!

Looking back we know that God was at work. Faye (one of our team members) thanked God in one of our prayers for keeping us off our original flight. She said she just knew something was wrong with that plane and there was a reason we didn’t get on that plane. At the end of our trip we had a debriefing time and prayer. As I prayed I realized that we also didn’t get on our original flight so that we would be strengthened as a team. We all had to work together to make things work and shared everything we had with each other. I believe that starting our trip like that made the entire trip more successful.

God loves when we pray and have an open communication with Him. I find that the more I involve Him in my life, the more I see Him at work. I’m always watching. God also taught me on this trip to pray specifically. This is actually quite comical but I had to share. On the flights to Russia we were on planes with 3-seaters, meaning Justin and I had to sit with a stranger on those long flights. The last time we went to Russia we were fortunate to have 2-seaters. I prayed that on the longest flight back to America we would have 2-seaters. I also prayed that we would have screens on the back or our seats to make the time go faster (movies, games, etc.). I prayed that we would be able to sit closer to our friends so we could talk to them. God answered every one of my prayers. We boarded the flight and we had 2-seaters, monitors, and we weren’t far at all from our friends. The funny part is that my monitor was broken. It was there but I had no power and my overhead light was on (and I couldn’t turn it off). I guess I needed to be sure to pray for working monitors (haha). I think sometimes we pray for things on such a broad spectrum that we forget the rest. I had prayed for safe travels for us but forgot to pray for no cancelled flights. God knows exactly what we need but I think He would like to hear it from us.

God was with us throughout our trip. We were able to attend English clubs, two church services, two children’s homes, the Rzhev church, an elementary school, the University of Business and Finance, and Deana’s women’s group. We met so many people along the way (Justin calculated over 200 people). We were able to hopefully lift up Jeremy and Deana and their kids and give them encouragement to continue their work. It was neat for me to see how far Russia has come from my first trip to this last one. God isat work. There are a lot of people there and it won’t happen over night but He is there.

4/24/2012 by General 2

MC3 FPU Advanced Class Reflection

I really thought that I had been blessed to the fullest during our beginner FPU class at MC3.  Boy was I wrong!  Our first run of the advanced FPU class was facilitated by Andy Harlow, a First Federal Savings Bank volunteer that has done a lot of work through Bridges Out of Poverty as well.  I was mostly in the background during this class run and was only able to attend 3 of the 8 class meetings.  Even though I didn’t see the class members each week like before, I hung the group picture from the beginner’s class on my refrigerator, where I go frequently (haha).  I lifted each of them up in prayer whenever God would bring them to mind (which was often).  These folks were never far from my thoughts and prayers.

When I stopped in to visit, the class members greeted me with such love.  I really felt like I was a family member being welcomed back home.  It’s just impossible to explain the connection we all made over the course of the beginners and advanced classes.

Last Thursday was the final advanced class with these members.  Normally I looked forward to these Thursday nights but this one I was almost dreading.  I didn’t want it to be the end.  I didn’t want to say goodbye to these precious people.  When I arrived early I mingled with the volunteers that were setting things up for class.  I went to grab a plate so I could eat before class began and was informed that we were not supposed to eat until everyone arrived (this was not the norm.) The ladies doing the refreshments from First Federal Savings Bank were out picking up the pizza.  There was also salad on the bar already prepared.  Soon the class members started arriving and to our surprise, they had each brought us something they had made or bought for supper.  They said they wanted to do something for us.  They brought spaghetti, salad, potato salad, etc.  We had a feast.  The volunteers had even arranged for a cake to celebrate the completion of the class.

Not only was the food a surprise, but they decided on their own, that they wanted us all to gather around in a circle and bless the food.  One of the class members blessed it for us with the sweetest of prayers.  All I could do was shake my head in amazement.  My cup runneth over with blessings and happiness.  This wasn’t just a class with volunteers and students, this was more than that…a family.

We watched the final Dave Ramsey video which happened to be on giving (they didn’t know the subject of the video ahead of time).  Then it was time for Andy to hand out the Dave Ramsey completion certificates and the incentive monies to each of them.  We thanked them for coming and for being a part of such a special class and encouraged them to share with others what they had learned during the classes.  We even invited them to come back and volunteer with the next class run.

My husband came to take another group picture and some individual pictures of the class members.  We were getting ready to start that when they told us to wait.  They went and grabbed a big poster board from the back of the room and the 7 class members told us to trade places with them.  They gathered on the stage and held up the poster they made thanking us for having the class.  Each had taken the time to write down some thoughts to us.

If that wasn’t enough to make me cry, they then each proceeded to give a speech about how the class had impacted their lives.  One shared, “My life is pretty screwed up right now but I’ve been able to take steps in the right direction by taking this class…” Others shared that they had not only learned a lot about finances that would change their lives but that they had made new friends and would even call us all family.  Each has agreed that the incentive money was not the reason they chose to take the class (they didn’t even realize they would get money for the advanced class). The young lady from the beginner’s class that shared she had left her abusive relationship because of the class and the people she had met, shared that she now had a “mom and dad” in 2 of the other classmates and that her life has never been better.  She was going to be getting her GED and couldn’t wait to show us how well she was going to do.  I don’t believe there was a dry eye in the room.

While I am sad the class is over, each of the students assured us that it wasn’t “goodbye” but “see you later.” They told us not to be surprised to see the next class overflowing with people and that some would be back to volunteer or share their testimonies.

In the beginning I was worried that the love of God would not find its way into this class because it was mostly on finances.  I am completely and utterly amazed, but shouldn’t be surprised how God did work in enormous ways through that class.  The “mom and dad” members I mentioned earlier, have recruited 2 of the members to join their church.  During the last class, I heard another member asking about their church and they wrapped their arms around her and lovingly invited her to join them.  There have been prayers and genuine love from members and volunteers that only God can bring.  What a blessing! What a blessing!

6/21/2011 by life 0

MC3 FPU Beginner’s Class Reflection

I have been amazingly blessed to be a part of a financial literacy program at Monroe Circle Community Center in downtown South Bend.  This program is partnered with First Federal Savings Bank.   I was approached and asked if I would facilitate the beginner’s class using the Dave Ramsey financial material.

Each week I began by asking the group if they had any victory stories.  The first time I asked,  the response was small, which was expected since we were all new to the class.  One student in particular shared from the beginning.  She is a young girl, I would say in her early 20s.  From the very first class she was bubbly, friendly, and smiling from ear to ear.  Without hesitation she raised her hand and shared that she had saved $50 on her own the past week and made plans to save $10 a day during the weekdays by not wasting money on things she didn’t need to buy.

Each week, she always had something positive to say and I noticed that she had begun to make friends with a couple at a neighboring table.  This couple has been amazing.  You could tell they loved God and all of the people in the room.  Knowing that I couldn’t “preach” during my class each week, I prayed that God would find a way into this class.  Every time Dave Ramsey would mention scripture or God I would smile and pray that someone would be touched by it.  God was truly working throughout this class.

On the night of the final class I started 3 minutes late and jokingly told everyone that since I started 3 minutes late, I needed 3 extra victory stories.  A hand from a gentleman at the back table flew up and he shared that he had gotten a part time job.  We all cheered.  Then without fail, the bubbly young lady raised her hand to share.  She then stood up and her face immediately grew serious.  For just a moment I was nervous.  What was she going to share?

I must back up a little to say that each week, in preparation for the week’s class, I would sit down on Tuesday night and make an outline of what I would share and teach.  For some reason, this particular week I had failed to do this.  I couldn’t explain what happened since I am normally very responsible and make sure I do this.  During the day on Thursday I had planned to take my lunch hour at work to create my outline.  I ended up working through my lunch (lots of things popping up that had to be done).  Knowing I wasn’t going to have the time to prepare that I had desired I kept praying throughout the day and talking to God saying, “God, you know this is totally unlike me. I know there has to be a reason for it.  Please help me to trust you.”

Getting back to the moment this young lady stood up and her face grew serious…she said that she herself had 3 victories to share this week.  She said that one of them she wasn’t going to share but she just had to share and tell everyone.  She shared that her first victory story was that she was able to end an abusive relationship with her boyfriend.  Each week she had been coming to class looking happy but she was really hurting from being beaten so badly.  Her second victory story was that she had learned through this FPU class how to save her money and spend her money more wisely.  She learned she didn’t need to stay in this relationship and that she could do this on her own.  She was going to be able to do better and so she could end her abusive relationship.  Her third victory was that in ending one relationship, she was able to begin another.  She turned to the couple at the next table over and said they were her family now.  They had adopted her over the weeks and even invited her to their church.  She (and her young son) had been going to their church and loved it.  Her son even calls the couple grandma and grandpa.  She was truly happy with all of God’s blessings in her life.

No, the story isn’t over yet.  She sat down and the lady sitting next to her raised her hand to share.  She said that she had known this young lady through her GED class but realized she didn’t really know her until she had gotten to know her through this class.  She was able to help her through this rough time in her life and also through talking to the young lady, she heard how much she loved going to church.  Eventually she began going to this church too and now they all go and just love what God is doing in their lives.

When she finished sharing, the woman from the couple said she wanted to tell everyone that she loved them with the love of the Lord and that she wanted them to know that God had a purpose for each of them being in this class.  She said that they did nothing special, that it was all with God’s glory that this had happened.  There were many amens and cheers as she finished sharing.

I had to hold back tears of joy.  There was a reason I hadn’t prepared that Tuesday night.  There was a reason I hadn’t had time at lunch to prepare.  It was because God had something much better planned.

It truly has been a blessing to work with these special people.  I have come to love each of them.  I miss them already.  They all plan to come back for the advanced class in a few weeks.

4/9/2011 by life 0

6 years and a day

Today I have been married to Justin for 6 years and a day and I’ve loved, enjoyed, appreciated, and been grateful for every day of it.  Life and time has taken us many places in our 6 years together.  Things have happened that I had never imagined, like moving 12 hours away to Indiana, being jobless for 5 months, buying two houses, etc.  Through it all we have found great joy together.  I couldn’t ask for a more perfect mate and match for me and my life. Together we take steps every day towards Christ.  Together we are the best blend of each other.  When Justin is frustrated or stressed, I am calm. More often it’s the other way 😉 but we have learned to be strong in each other’s weakness.  It’s something that comes natural for us.  I watched a video testimony in church today about a couple and how they loved each other and she even said how much she knew that God had made them for each other long before they had even met.  I know with all my being that Justin and I were made for each other.  Together we are better than either of us could be alone.  God is awesome.  I am humbled and amazed but definitely not surprised by what my God has done and can do through us.  Thank you Heavenly Father for blessing me with my soul mate.

9/26/2010 by family love 1

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